Rejected scenes from Twilight
by Harvey the Wonder Hamster
Summary: Those scenes that they never tell you about.
1. Chapter 1

Hey. I'm writing this for a number of reasons. 1) It should be amusing. 2) I want to register as a beta and need to fufill certain requirements. 3) I'm not a huge twilight fan. 4) I'm just cool like that. Warning, a few of these may be bordering on being a crackfic. Also...I'm not Stephanie Meyer, and therefore can not take credit for Twilight. Also, there will be vague spoilers for those who haven't read the books...or seen all the movies. Bold: page 35, Twilight

**"Hey, Dad, welcome home."**

**"Thanks." He hung up his gun belt and stepped out of his boots as I bustled about the kitchen. As far as I was aware, he'd never shot the gun on the job. But he kept it ready. When I came here as a child, he would always remove the bullets as soon as he walked in the door. I guess he considered me old enough now not to shoot myself by accident, and not depressed enough to shoot myself on purpose.**

**"What's for dinner?" he asked warily. My mother was an imaginative cook, and her experiments weren't always edible. I was surpised, and sad, that he seemed to remember that far back.**

"Well...originally I was going to make steak and potatoes, but then I decided to spice things up. So, I made raw hamburg." I said, quite proud of what I managed to come whip up in such a short amount of time.

"Bells...isn't that dangerous for our health? Couldn't we get, I don't know, food poisoning?" he looked like he was about to run away like Roadrunner. I narrowed my eye.

"What are you trying to say? Are you saying I'm not good enough for Edward?" He glanced at me in shock.

"What-"

"No! Don't interrupt me! I'm never good enough, am I? I mean, sure when I was five and I wanted to marry Barney, yeah I get that. And then when I was seven and wanted to rape Johnny Depp, sure, that's cool. And when I was thirteen and wanted Orlando Bloom to rape me, okay, sure. Now though? Jacob's mad at me because I chose Edward over him even though Edward left me because he was trying to protect me and it's just horrible. Even though Jacob- Oh, wait, this didn't happen yet...um, so, how 'bout them Meds...?" I tried to cover up my epic fail. Charlie still looked suspicous.

"Bella, is there something your not telling me?" I'll admit, what I said next probably wasn't the best thing I could've said in that situation.

"Umm, er...These are not the droids you are looking for." I said, waving my hand in front of his face. I don't think I did it right because he looked even more alarmed. He slowly walked toward me.

"Bella, I think a know what the problem is here. I think that you miss your mom and that you need...you need something to make you feel like you belong. I know I don't know a lot about your sex life, but I think it's time you got laid. I think that would really help you fit in. That and maybe buying new clothes, cutting your hair, dying it blonde, tanning your skin, painting your nails, talking in a lower voice and maybe being a bit more social. Other than that, I think you're perfect the way you are." he said all this very sincerly, leaving me in no doubt that he meant every word he said. I looked at him with tears in my eyes.

"Dad?" I questioned, him looking at me immediately.

"Yeah." I hesitated asking him my question, fearing the answer.

"Did you mean what you said?" I looked at him eagerly for his answer. He nodded.

"Every word." The look in his eyes told me everything I needed to know.

"I love you Dad."

Okay, so not my best work. This was just a warm-up though. It will get better.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two. Bold: page 259, Twilight.

**Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun.** It was a very dramatic step, and made time seemed to freeze for a moment, like it wanted to capture this moment. Then, the unexpected happened, he seemed to sparkle. As if there were millions of diamonds etched into his skin. Everyting else around him paled in comparision, like he was a streak of red in a world of black and white. I gasped.

"Edward? You're" I struggled to find the right word for his unmanliness "sparkling." He nodded.

"Is it because you're a vampire?" Oddly enough, I felt very calm, not at all alarmed that my boyfriend was a sparkling pansy. He hestitated, and after an internal struggle, slowly shook his head.

"No, it's because I ate diamonds this morning. They make me feel happy and powerful, almost like I'm not a sexually confused sparkling vampire." He added at my look. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"What usually happens when you step into the sunlight?" I wanted to know. He shrugged indifferently.

"Usually vampires turn into fairies and grant wishes to physcotic criminals who have a history of murdering people. Unforturnately, eating diamonds countereacts the fairiness and instead we just sparkle." I nodded.


	3. Chapter 3

Now, New Moon. Page 451

**The clock tolled, and he took a large stride toward the light.**

"No!" I screamed. "Edward, look at me!" Then a blue and red figure seemed to swing in front of Edward, blocking my view.

"Spiderman! Spiderman!" It sang horribly off-key, making the word have 15 syllables. Then a pinkish object flew into Edward, knocking him backwards and out of the light.

"And my trusty sidekick, Spider Pig!" He shouted, and then pointed in a random direction.

"Come, Robbin, to the batcave!" He started running in the opposite direction that he pointed to and he must have been part blind, because he ended up running into a wall. I shook my head at the randomness.

"Edward!" I shouted.


	4. Chapter 4

Yo, here is the next chapter (I forgot which chapter...I think it's..four? Maybe? Five?) in my story. Enjoy.** Bold: page 486 New Moon**. I don't own it nor do I take credit for it.

"**Shh, Bella, shh," Edward said as he pulled me to the sofa farthest away from the curious human at the desk.**

**"I think she's having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her," Alice suggested.** Edward looked at her in shock.

"I can't slap her! She's my girlfriend and I won't to see live once when she realizes that I slapped her! Boyfriends aren't supposed to do that! You slap her!" Alice stared at me for a moment, then apparently came to a decision and shook her head.

"I can't slap her either, but we have to do something!" Edward glared at her, absently stroking my hair.

"Why can't you slap her?" Alice huffed.

"Trust me, I want to slap her, sooo bad. She is so annoying! I mean that whole 'I-love-my-boyfriend-but-he-left-so-I'm-gonna-become-friends-with-a werewolf-and-string-him-along-  
only-to-leave-when-my-boyfriend-goes-to-commit-sucide-because-he-thinks-I'm-dead' act is way overdramatic and pathetic, but I can't slap her because I have to keep up my rep as the coolest Cullen." She said in a 'DUH!' manner. I glanced at her in shock and managed to form a sentence between my gasps.

"Do you really think that of me?," I asked, horrified to hear my voices cracking. She looked at me in a patronizing matter and shook her head.

"No, of course I don't. I just have to give Eddy a convincing reason why I can't slap you." She said in a sickly sweet voice, giving Edward a 'she's so stupid' look and he answered her with an eye roll and a shake of his head.

"Promise?" I asked in a childish manner. She nodded her head.

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Edward snorted and coughed something that sounded suspicously like 'liar' but I knew he really said 'dryer' so I ignored him. Alice glared at him.

"Anyway, who is going to slap her?" Edward looked at the ground in thought for a moment before he lit up.

"Why don't we have Jane slap her? She hates her enough." Alice thought for a moment then started nodding, slowly at first then picking up speed as she began to like the idea more and more.

"That could work...you don't think she would hurt her, do you?" Edward shook his head.

"Bella loves her, she wouldn't hurt Jane." he said with confidence. Alice shrugged.

"If you're sure...Jane! We require you assistance with something!" Jane showed up a second later with an annoyed expression. She looked at me and sneered.

"What?" She snapped. Alice looked at her pleadingly.

"We need to use you for our own selfish desires." Jane glanced around to make sure no one was around, then she leaned in.

"It's $75 for 2 hours, $95 for 3, and $247 for the night." Edward shook his head.

"No, we have something more...enjoyable in mind, for all of us." Jane leaned farther in in interest and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you have in mind?" She licked her lips sensually. Alice and Edward leaned in close to her so they were in a huddle.

"We want you to slap Bella." He whispered. Jane's eye's widened and she stopped breathing for a second.

"Really?" Alice nodded her head. It was then I realized how much she and Edward really did care about me, like I was the only one important in their lives. Alice gestured to me.

"Well, go on. Get on with it." Jane looked at her like she got caught doing something naughty.

"Now?" Edward nodded.

"Now." As soon as he was done speaking, Jane held her hand up and slapped me across the face. I screamed at the sudden flash of pain, curling on my side to avoid the pain.

"Bella, are you okay?" I opened my mouth to say that I wasn't when Jane raised her hand and slapped me and again.

"You need to calm down. I know it hurts but it's for the best." I shook my head slowly.

"I'm not-" Smack. She struck me again.

"I'm serious Bella, calm down." I held my hands up.

"I'm cal-" Alice hit me this time. Again, I yelped in pain. She shook her head.

"BELLA, calm down. You're fine, it's over." I nodded, feeling my cheek, with my other hand guarding my face.

"I know that. I'm fine, I'm calm." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because this time Edward hit me, slightly harder than Jane and Alice. I shrieked at him hitting my already bruised cheek.

"We're serious, love. Relax..." I opened my mouth, which was stupid on my part, to recieve another smack from Jane. Alice shook her head sadly.

"I don't think it's working. Maybe we should have Felix slap her?" Edward nodded.

"I didn't want it to come to that...but, I don't think we have much of choice at this point." He stared at me sadly while Jane nodded.

"I'll go retrieve him." She suddenly dissappeared. Edward started stroking my hair and Alice patted my hand.

"Don't worry, we'll stay with you through this." She said reassuringly. Moments after that Jane arrived with Felix in tow.

POV switch. Third person.

"Alright," Felix said, rubbing his hands together, "Let's do this." Edward moved so Bella was leaning up against him in a sitting postion.

"Don't worry, this will solve your problems." Alice said comfortingly. Bella nodded bravely.

"Here we go." Felix raised his hand. SMACK! A loud scream pierced the air and gradually trailed off. Bella sobbed loudly into Edward's neck, who was looking at her in concern.

"Are you okay?" She shook her head. Jane smirked.

"Maybe you should slap her harder, she seems even more upset and hysteric than earlier." She suggest slyly. Felix nodded.

"Turn her head." He ordered. Edward sadly turned her head. He raised his hand again and struck her. A loud SMACK! filled the air followed by a multiple loud thuds. He must have gotten carried away because her head came clean off her body with a large ripping sound. Edward and Alice stared in horror as her head bounced down the hall. Vampires surrounded her body at the smell of blood and devoured the corpse. Thirty seconds later they all left, bored and filled, leaving the drained body. Edward and Alice still sat in horror. Finally, someone spoke.

"YES! Now there won't be another movie! F*** yeah!"

And that's that. Hope you enjoyed it, I know I did.


	5. Chapter 5

_I applaud you if you managed to stick with this story this long. *claps and "OOOOs in awe" Hope you guys enjoy these._ **Bold, page 527, New Moon.**

**Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself?**

**"Oh!"**

**"Bella?"**

**"Oh. Okay. I see."**

**"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.**

"You lust for my blood and want me to be your whore." I stared at him with eyes filled with awe. He nodded slightly and smiled crookedly.

"Yes! That what I've been trying to tell you all along!" I sighed out of pure bliss. So this is what a vampire lusting for your blood and not actually loving you feels like. It's nothing like I imagined it would be. A lot less satisfying than I thought it would be, and a lot more pathetic.

"I'm glad you finally realized it." He whispered, lightly nuzzling my neck. I gasped at the sensation.

"That's always been my dream." I said, tearing up a bit. He pulled away and looked at me in concern.

"Do you want to talk about it, love?" I looked away, biting my lip slightly. He sat down and pulled me with him, gesturing with his hand.

"Tell me about it." I sighed looking at the ground debating where to start my story after a long 3 second debate, I decided and began my story.

"A long time-"

"In a kingdom far, far away?" Edward interjected. I shook my head.

"No, in Phoenix."

"Oh." He sounded embarrassed.

"Me and my mom-"

"You mean my mom and I." He looked at me in slight annoyance.

"Use correct grammar." He scolded gently. I nodded.

"Anyway, my mom and I, when I was little-"

"She locked you in a tower." He interrupted looking hopeful. I sighed through my teeth. Patience, patience.

"No, when I was little we went to a vampire theme park where I met this girl name Fiona. Fiona always talked about-"

"Why was her name Fiona? Why couldn't it be something like Bella? The most prefect name in the world." He sighed dreamily, his eyes sparkling more than a shirtless Alex Louis Armstrong(AN: who I unfortunately don't own). I looked at him kinda freaked out.

"Um...right...er, um, anyway...she always talked about how cool vampires were and how her boyfriend was one. I really like Fiona so she-"

"I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME? WHY BELLA, WHY?" He fell on his knees and starting sobbing while storm clouds dramatically gathered over his head and started raining cows on him.

"Ow! Ow! These are NOT raindrops. Ouch, dammit!" He rubbed his head in pain. I glared at him, trying to make him spontaneously combust. I growled in annoyance.

"Edward! Shut the hell up and stopping acting so...dramatic. You know what, go F a moose! Screw this shit!" I started to get up, but he grabbed me and pulled me back down.

"I'll be good, I'll be good." He looked at me pleadingly. "Just continue the story, please." I gritted my teeth and let out a breath slowly, closing my eyes. I breifly remained like that before opening my eyes and starting my story again.

"Okay, so Fiona and I became good friends and she spent the night once. She told me about how her bofriend was a vampire and how he loved-"

"PIZZA!" I stood up and left.


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, this one's gonna be on the short side. Now, I'm going to do something I really should have done in the beginning but I was too much of a prat to realize...  
**_THANK THE REVIEWERS! SO THANKS!_**  
Thanks you **Guest.** GLAD YOU ENJOYED THE STORY! GO CAPSLOCK.  
**The Quaag**...yeah, I'm only gonna mention you once even though you reviewed twice. That and I could tell you just how_ much_ your reivews means to me. And no, you didn't.  
**H**. Thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the story and I love the one letter name. Very short and easy to write.  
**MadamGrellSutcliff**. I loooovvveee your name. So jealous. I completely agree with you. Best. Ending. Ever. If only Meyer understood. *sigh*  
Thanks **SingingGal**. Happy to be of service. I also do invisible makovers.  
Thanks all of you. Hopefully seeing your name written by the _AMAZING! **Harvey the Wonder Hamster**_ will get you to review and read my story...not in that order though..well, if wanted to, I mean, who am I to judge.

...Again, just to clear things up, anything in bold or otherwise written is not mine. **Bold, page 539, New Moon**

**"Yes, but...you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human-for me, at least. So, anything but that."**

**He frowned. "Three years?"** I shook my head.

"Six months."

"Two years."

"Eight months.

"Seven months and that's final." He slammed his fist down, missing the bed and hitting air, falling off the bed, cursing.

Again...really, really short and not that funny if I'm being honest, but let's just pretend it's hilarious and laugh anyways._ HA, HA, HA! **OH THE COMEDY!** HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!_


	7. Chapter 7

I am sooo tired of New Moon, but I can't really find much in Eclipse...if anyone has any suggestions feel free to IM me or review with it. I'm open to just about anything. **Gleefullbabe.** Thank you, you've made my dream come true. I've always wanted to make someone cry through laughter. My other dream is to meet Legolas...Is there a possiblitiy, even a slight one, you can make that dream come true? You'd be my new bestfriend if you did.

**Bold page 215 Eclipse**.

**I turned to look at him, eyeing him critically. "Is it really so impossible to wear clothes, Jacob? I asked. Once again, Jacob was bare-cheated, wearing nothing but a pair of old cut-off jeans. Secretly, I wondered if he was just so proud of his new muscles that he couldn't stand to cover them up. I had to admit, they were impressive-but I'd never thought of him as vain. "I mean, I know you don't get cold anymore, but still."**

He shook his head. "Usually it's just because it's easier...lately though I've been doing it for a different reason." I raised an eyebrow at him questionly.

"What's the reason?"

"It's Embry," he said, his eyes troubled, "He's convinced he imprinted on a pineapple. Oddly enough, I thought my beautiful," he paused to kiss his biceps, "muscles might make him realize that he didn't imprint on a pineapple, and that pinecones and apples are not their love children. It's been really rough."

"Why does he think he imprinted on a pineapple?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows. He frowned slightly.

"Quil thinks it's to cover up the fact he's in love with Megan Fox and/or Kevin Bacon and Paul thinks it's because he was raped by a cat when he was a child. Who knows? One day we went over Emily's and Sam's and Embry started flipping out, muttering something about his true love. He sat on the stool and starting using crappy pick-up lines on it. You know, like 'I lost my child, can I spank you?' and 'So, what else do you do besides being sexy?" and whatnot. Eventually, he grabbed it and left. Jared thinks someone should eat it, but when we tried that he about killed Sam." I raised an eyebrow.

"Why Sam?" He snorted.

"Since he found his 'imprint' at Sam's he thinks Sam plans to have an affair with the pineapple." He rolled his eyes.

"And cheat on Emily?" I questioned. He nodded.

"Yep," he popped the p, "threatened to dress up as a cowboy clown wearing a pink bonnet and neon purple flashing lights on his pants, and lug a goat on a leash around while juggling fire-breathing lizards at his funeral if he does. Cheat that is. Considered wearing a sign that says 'Warning, this sign has sharp edges. Do not touch the edges.'"

"That's oddly specific." He shrugged.

"It's Embry." I shrugged back.

"Yeah. It's Embry."


	8. Chapter 8

Alright, so, here's magical chapter 8 I'm pretty sure. I'm trying to make longer chapters, but, like I said, I'm not finding much in Eclipse. I'm searching quite a bit but between everything I have to do it's difficult. I know, excuses, excuses but, sorry. I really do have reasons. I understand if you're angry but there's no reason to threaten me with a frying pan or some other unusual blunt instrument.** Gleefullbabe**. You're sure about Legolas? He's soo hot though! And, yes, a pineappple, my favorite fruit after strawberries...ahhh, pineapple and strawberries. Thanks for reviewing and reading...well, not in that order. ANYWAYS, thanks and I'm glad you liked it.  
**H**. Thank you for thanking me for thanking you. Also, thanks for reviewing and telling your friends. I'm glad you enjoyed it that much!  
Sorry it's been forever since I've updated. I've been really busy with sleep overs with The Quaag, marching band, Soul Eater episodes and my life in general. Not to mention chapter 9.  
So, awwwaaaayyyyyy we go!  
**Bold: page 327, Eclipse**

"**What are you talking about?" I demanded.**

**He took a deep breath. "I want to tell you something. And you already know it...but I think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there's never any confusion on the subject."**

**I planted my feet, and he came to a stop. I took my hand away and folded my arms across my chest. I was suddenly sure that I didn't want to know what he was building up to.**

"Listen, I know things have been a bit weird and all, with him being a vampire and me a werewolf but- No. I don't want to start with that. Okay, with him back," he looked at me with an unreadable emotion in his eye, "we haven't seen each other for a while. I needed something to distract me and, well, I found something...no, no, this isn't coming out right." He sighed running a hand through his hair.

"Jake, what are you trying to say?" Normally I would have made my voice softer and have tried to be more understanding, but I was too anxious to. He looked somewhere in the sky and shook his head slightly.

"Okay, I'm just gonna come out with it, I've decided I want to become an exotic dancer." He finally said, examing my face closely for a reaction, which must have looked a bit shocked. I honestly didn't see that coming.

"So...you want to be a stripper?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"No! There's a difference between an exotic dancer and a stripper! A big difference!" I raised an eyebrow when he didn't continue his rant.

"And that difference is?"

"A stripper strips. An exotic dancer starts partly naked, doesn't have to be completely naked, and doesn't have to give people lap dances." I nodded slowly like that changed everything.

"Right." I said sarcastically.

"Seriously! There's a difference! Ask anyone." He threw his hands out in emphasis. I rolled my eyes.

"Like who? A stripper?" He clenched his jaw in annoyance and breathed out heavily through his nose, glaring at me slightly.

"I bet you think you're hilarious, don't you?" I nodded seriously.

"Oh yes, immensely so." He glared at me so hard I'm surprised I didn't catch on fire.

"I like dancing and with a body like mine it seems like a good idea. Who could resist this?" He gestured at his body while thrusting his hips slightly. I made a noise somewhere between a humph and a growl.

"Every heard of something called modesty? I mean, don't you think that's a bit arrogant? I bet there's so many people who could resist 'that'." I said in a mocking tone, gesturing to his body with a quick movement of my hands. He looked at me with an expression I would almost call sad.

"Do you really think that? I really think I want to be a dancer. Think about it, I love dancing and I took ballet with my sisters when I was younger, and not to be bragging or anything, I was pretty damn good at it. It's not like I don't have other options...I just, I don't know. You understand, don't you?"

"Wanting to be something when your grow up? Yes. Being a piece of meat for perverts to shamelessly gawk at? No, I honestly don't." He furrowed his eyebrows slightly.

"I'm not the only one. Paul's thinking about becoming one with me. I mean, he's not the ideal co-worker but it's better than by myself. We figured with the two of us being a team that sooner or later someone was bound to hire us. Eventually, at least."

"Jake." I hesitated, not wanting to say something that would make him upset. I started again.

"Listen Jake, I think you might want to reconsider." He shook his head furiously.

"I've already bought some thongs to wear and a-" I held up my hands.

"Okay, okay, enough. That's enough. I really don't want to know what you were going to say. Please, never speak of this again." He glared at me and pointed at me with his finger.

"If you can't accept my new dream then we're over."

"When were we together?"

**I usually wouldn't end a story/chapter there but I can't think of what to put there...so yeah.**


	9. Chapter 9

Here we go with chapter 9. I've finally managed to find another potenial rejected scene. This should turn out good. I plan on this one being an actual crackfic. Let me know..did I fail at a crackfic? Be honest...I personally think I did. I'm horrible at these things, it's like...wait, this is POSSIBLE! *pant, pant*

**H**: Hey, thanks for boosting my ego! I know what you mean about when an author says your name...that happened to me and I was flipping out so I thought...Why not do this for this story, then they'll keep reviewing! That was my brilliant idea for the day. I swear the room got brighter. Again, thanks for the ego boost and the support. I really appreciate that people spend time to review. Thanks again! I was worried I wouldn't have anyone to thank.  
**Bold: page 377, Eclipse**

**Jasper appeared quite literally out of nowhere. One second it was just Alice and me against the wall, Jacob blocking our exit, and then Jasper was standing on the other side of Jake's arm, his** expression** terrifying.**

"Did you take my twinkie?" Jasper growled to Jake, sounding deadly. Jake looked like he didn't know whether to be scared or confused, settling for a mixture between the two, slowly and cautiously moving his arm back to his side.

"..._what_?" Jasper narrowed his eyes dangerously. He slowly repeated himself, looking like he'd kill Jake if he blinked wrong.

"Did. You. Take. My. Twinkie?" Jake's eyes widened, his mouth forming an O.

"Um, no?" Jasper stepped forward.

"You bastard." He said, then proceeding to lunge at Jacob. Jake stepped to the side so fast he was a blur, barely dodging Jasper's assult. Jasper turned to him looking murderous. Embry and Quil's expressions mirrored his, hatred shining so brightly in their eyes it was almost blinding. Jake held up his hands.

"I'm sorry, okay? It was just sitting there. I didn't know it was yours!" Jasper looked even madder if possible.

"So you did take it." Jake nodded.

"Yes, yes, I did." Jasper then did something I never expected him to do. He pulled out a baseball-sized red and white ball, which he somehow or another managed to fit in his pocket. He pressed a button in the middle and threw it at Jake.

"Pikachu, I choose you!" The bounced harmlessly off of Jake, not at all looking like it did any damage. Jake glanced down at it.

"That's it?" Jasper didn't answer, too busy gazing betrayingly at the ball on the floor to reply.

"Pikachu?" He questioned softly, sounding disappointed and hurt.

"Pikachu? Why? Why didn't you come out?" He slowly picked up the ball without waiting for an answer. For a few moments everyone just stared at him staring at the ball before Alice finally moved for the first through this whole ordeal.

"Jasper?" She asked softly, looking worried, "Is everything okay?" Before she even finished her sentence, Jasper threw the ball angrily somewhere in the crowd of dancing people without warning. Quil and Embry started towards him, but were blocked by Jacob, who held up his hand giving them an odd look. Ignoring my startled gasp and the protests from the crowd he starting wailing loudly, sounding like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"Why did you betray me in my moment of need Pikachu? Why, why, why, why, why?" He hit his head roughly against the wall, resulting in a hole in it. "I needed you, I counted on you and you ignored me like I didn't even matter to you! How dare you! I loved you! You were my everything! I loved you more than my wife!" He proclaimed, looking at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes, his hair disheveled.

"Hey!" Alice protested. Jasper glanced at her wildly, not seeming to not really see her. He slowly advanced, reminding me of a lion stalking it's prey. I hid behing Jake, clutching his arm tightly.

"**_YOU__!_" **He pointed at her. "You did this! You ruined me! Ruined!" He reached behind him and pulled his arm, which now had a running chainsaw in it, back. He waved it over his head. The phrase 'Texas chainsaw massacre' and 'crazy physcopath' ran through my head. Both seemed to fit this situation.

"BANG! BANG, BANG GOES THE COW! MOOOO!" At this Jake and I glanced at each other. I'm pretty sure we were both thinking 'WTF?'. Alice, on the other hand, took this all in stride.

"Jazz, you're not gonna make me get Mrs. Fluff-fluff out, are you?" Hearing this, Jasper literally dropped everything he was doing. He immediately stopped running around in a circle and dropped the chainsaw, which somehow managed to cut through the floor and fall to the basement where you could still here it buzzing. He looked up with a haunted, lost puppy dog look, which contrasted with his bloodshot eyes, ruffled appearance, and gray beard that he managed to grow in the seven seconds that Alice was speaking.

"M- Mrs. Fluff-fluff?" He asked pathetically. Alice nodded solemnly. He fell to his knees, throwing his hands up.

"NOO! Not Mrs. Fluff-fluff! Anything but that!" He started doing the vampire equilvalnt sobbing, wailing "SOB, SOB, SOB!" over and over and over again. Alice lightly patted him on his shoulder. It was at this time that I wondered why everyone at the party wasn't noticing anything. Seriously, with all this noise you would have thought someone would have noticed something. It's not like he was trying to be quiet. I mean, he had a chainsaw for God's sake! When I mentioned this to Jake he grinned.

"Oh, Quil and Embry have that taken care." He explained, pointing to the general direction of the dance floor. There was a large cirlce (oval) and in the middle of the ovalish circle was Quil and Embry doing some odd dance. I'm not sure if you could consider it dance considering that they had no beat what-so-ever but...it was definitely something. Quil looked like he was attempting to do the jumping robot, moving his arms up and down stiffly while jumping. Embry on the other hand was in a stance that looked like somthing similar to sitting on a horse,  
positioning one hand like he was holding a rein and using his other hand to furiously spank the air. Yep, defintiely something. I nodded, understanding instantly.

Meanwhile with Jasper and Alice, Jasper finally stopped sobbing but was banging his head off the wall instead. Alice, who appeared to have grow tired and frustrated at her attempt to calm Jasper down, was behind him, helping him bang his head off the wall while cheering. Then Emmett came out of the kitchen and just stood there looking very put out and staring at the couple pointedly. After a few moments of that, he apparently decided he wasn't intimidating them and that the best course of action would be to actually speak...or in this case, scream.

"STOP! I've been through a very long day! First, I have to go to a graduation I don't want to be at, then, I have to put up with these idiots," he gestured around, "and I've been trying to get laid for the past half hour, but Roselie keeps getting distracted by you people yelling! So, SHUT! UP! I know we're having a party but can't we have some peace, or at least just enough for me to get laid!" He was partically panting from the long speech. Apparently he forgot that, as a vampire, he doesn't have to breath. Jasper and Alice stared at him for a moment,  
either in disbelief or shock I couldn't tell, and then finally Jasper ripped of his long, gray beard and spoke.

"I'm sorry Alice is being so loud. She is a bit of a cow and needs to learn how to keep her mouth shut. Me and Pikachu will work very hard to fix this problem. Please, continue to hook up with my fake twin. It would make me very happy." Alice looked offended but chose not to intervene as he conversed with Emmett, who left immediately after Jasper finished speaking. Alice then chose to get her revenge. She grabbed his head and smashed his head into the wall like she was previously doing, only with more vigor and less cheering, although there was some growls.

It was then I began to wonder why the hell I was hanging out with these people.

**_ I think this is my best yet! What's your favorite chapter so far? I'm just curious to know what kind of humor you guys (and gals) find the funniest. Again, if you guys have any ideas, feel free to IM me or tell me in a review. Also, be honest, how horribly did I fail at a crack fic?_**


	10. Chapter 10

Yo. Chapter 10 I want to say. This chapter is the page after the other chapter, something I'm not thrilled about, but, as the saying goes, beggers can't be choosers. So, here it goes. I know, it's been forever since I updated, but I have been so busy that it's ridiculous. I'm hoping that this chapter will make up for it a little bit.

**H:** Thanks for reviewing and telling me what chapter you liked best. It means a lot! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Just a warning to you, it might be a while before I update...but I will. Eventually. I'm not giving up on this story so just hold on.

**Bold, page 378, Eclipse**

**"They're coming here," I choked out.**

**The Quileute boys watched silently, reading every unconscious play of emotion on our faces. They were rooted in place, and yet not completely still. All three pairs of hands were trembling.**

**"Yes."**

**"To Forks," I whispered.**

**"Yes."**

**"For?"**

"The _Cube_ of Rubik." I nodded, my thoughts confirmed. Jake choose to make him presence known.

"Wait, wait. What's this Cube of Rubik you speak of?" Alice looked at him questionly.

"You've never heard of the Cube of Rubik?" Jake looked mildly annoyed at the question.

"If I did, why would I be asking?" Jasper spoke up.

"Who knows what goes through a mutt's mind? Well, other than Edward that is." Embry narrowed his eyes at that and went to move forward but was blocked by Jake's hand, who wordlessly shook his head.

"Seriously, what the hell is this freakin' Cube?" Quil demanded, glaring at Alice and Jasper. Alice sighed and looked at me.

"Would you like to tell them?" I thought for a moment, then nodded my consent.

"Okay." I took a deep breath. "The Cube of Rubik is a cube. A cube beyond your wildest imaginations. A cube that can make your dreams come true. Can make what's impossible, possible. It controls what is and what was. Controls what will be. It sees everything, knows everything, yet shares nothing. The Cube of Rubik is a cube like no other. It's filled with colors, puzzles, broken dreams, people desires, and magic. It's magical and is the only thing in this world that makes life worthy living. The only thing important." The wolves stood there for a moment after my speech, then Quil spoke up with a confused look on this face.

"So...it's like pizza." He stated. Embry rolled his eyes and cuffed him roughly on the back of his head.

"No, you idiot. It's nothing like pizza."

"Then what is it like?" I answered his question.

"It's like floating on clouds, while at the same time, laying beside unicorns and eating rainbows." Quil looked at me like a little kid.

"Really?"

"Um...yes?" Quil sighed, a stupid, dazed look on his face.

"Moving on," Jake said, glaring at Quil. "why do the leaches want this so called Cube of Rubik?" Jasper exhaled loudly, running a finger through his hair, immediately drawing everyone's attention to him.

"We aren't quite sure. We know if you piss on the cube that a unicorn appears and that unicorns have extremely potent blood...we think they want to make an even stronger army of newborn vamps...either that, or they just want to steal it for the hell of it. What?" He asked when everyone looked at him oddly. "You never know, it could happen." Alice spoke up after a moment.

"Right...um, there's also the possiblity that they could want The Cube to get revenge on Edward by using The Cube's powers to kill Bella."

"Possible, but unlikely." Embry, Quil, and Jake looked at him with peculiar expressions on their faces.

"Anyway," I broke in, " either way, they're still coming."

"You're right. We should call ghostbusters. Maybe they kill vampires too." Quil added when Jake raised his eyebrows.

"Or we could help? I don't think you guys can kill them on your own." Embry suggested. Alice bounced slightly, her eyes lighting up.

"Yes. It's annoying, not being able to see, but I think we can do it." Jasper frowned, obviously disapproving of this idea, but decided not to say anything.

"Wait." I held up a hand. "You guys are...you can't be serious!" I gasped. Jake put his hand on my arm.

"Relax Bella. We'll be fine, don't underestimate us."

"But-"

"So." Jasper interrupted, "What-"

"Cookies!" Alice said, running over to the snack table. Jasper sighed deeply.

"Here." He gave Jake a card from his back pocket of his jeans and winked, walking away as he did so. I glanced over, my jaw dropping at the card. It read

** Jasper Cullen  
_Excellent_ Lover  
###-###-###**


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, I feel soo guilty. It's been forever since I updated and so many (three) people have reviewed. I really feel guilty. So, here we go.

**Ferretsong**: First off, I love that song. I showed it to my marching band and my instructor. I think his exact words were "Let's watch something, something that doesn't involve the Holocaust" and then he gave me _that look_. You know, the one that say 'Idiot/immature'. Second, I agree with you, Damon is really cool.

**H**: Thanks for reviewing, hopefully I don't disappoint with this chapter. Sorry for taking so long, but I'm getting ready for school and such...Also, to H's friend: glad you enjoyed it.

**Gleefullbabe**: Don't worry 'bout it, I'm just glad there are still people reading this story, more power to you people! Thanks again for reviewing, I'm glad you did. Really brightens my day.

**Bold: Eclipse, page 459-460**

**"Oh, no," I gasped as he slid down onto one knee.**

**"Be nice," he muttered.**

**I took a deep breath.**

"Bella, my sweet, sweet Bella. My love. My darling, beautiful, sweet, fragile Bella." He slowly got this odd glint in his eye as he listed the adjectives. "My beautiful, yummy, tender, _delicious..._' He trailed off, drooling slightly, gazing at me with a hungry look on his face. I backed up very slowly from my position on the bed. (AN/ she was on the bed, right? Oh,well. *shrugs*)

"...Edward?" I questioned softly, making no sudden movements. "Huh..?" He slowly shook his head, and when he looked at me I was relieved to see that he had lost the lust/hungry expression on his face. He smiled at me, showing his teeth.

"Sorry, I got off track. Redo." He stood up and shook out his legs, very dramatically. He went to sit down, then apparently thought better of it. He straigtened up and started doing squats. He stretched both of his arms, putting them over his head one at a time, leaning slightly. He started to kneel, pausing slightly midway, then lunged to his right, then to his left, stretching something I imagine. He stood at his full height and started doing something that resembled a warm up for a choir.

"La, la, la! Ta, da, ta, la! Na, la, ta, la, la, la!" He screamed out. He cleared his throat.

"Ma! Ma!" He said doing some odd, jerky, hand motions, reminding me of Sharpay from High School Musical.

"Do, re, me, fa, so, la, ti, do! Do, ti, la, so, fa, me, re, do..." He held out the last note. After a few seconds of just standing there, he grabbed a toothbrush and started brushing his teeth as he held the note. He then gurgled and flossed, still holding out the note. After holding it for another 2 minutes he finally let it trail off. He, again, cleared his throat.

"Okay." He got back down on his knee.

"You took my heart of stone, and made me feel human again." "Aww...!" Squealed random fangirls that suddenly appeared in the room. I saw the phrases 'Go Elric!', 'FMA!',  
'Rabid Edward Elric fan!', and 'Fullmetal Alchemist' on their shirts.

"So, here I am down on one...automail knee." The fangirls started awwing and clapping their hands, most of them laughing.

"Oh, this is good." He muttered, in a slighlty deeper voice, shaking his head, laughing slightly. I looked at him in confusion, but everyone else started laughing.

"Oh, get on with it!" One of the girls in the back shouted.

"Asking you to be Mrs. Edward Elric." Every one of the fangirls (and fanguys) started fawning over Edward.

"_**AWWW!**_" It was then I drew the line.

"Edward...? I thought your last name was Cullen, not Elric. And what's automail?" He glance up at me in what appeared to be confusion before he realized something, getting an almost paniced look on his face. He started shooing away the crowd.

"Out, out! Everyone out! You're not wanted here, wrong Edward. Leave." They all left, lingering slightly, staring at us in awe and admiration. He straightened up.

"Sorry 'bout that...now, where was I? Ah yes." He got back down on his knee for the third time today.

"Isabella Marie Swan, I love you. I loved you for a while. Ever since I smelled that delicious scent that make me lusts for your blood and body, I knew. I knew you were the one I wanted to knock up, even though we thought it wasn't possible, considering I'm a vampire, then have a stupid mutt imprint on our minute old daughter like a pedophile. I just knew. I felt it in my heart. So, will you, Bella, marry me and do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I nodded, feeling a few tears run down my face. I took a shaky breath.

"Hell ye- I mean, yes. Yes, I'll be your wife." He smiled beautifully, giving me a chaste kiss, before sliding the ring on my finger.

"Forever." I nodded.

"Forever." I agreed.

** *ELRIC/FMA FANS: READ!* *ELRIC/FMA FANS: READ!* *ELRIC/FMA FANS: READ!* *ELRIC/FMA FANS: READ!* *ELRIC/FMA FANS: READ!* **

Okay, so I want to get this out there. I do not own the "You took my heart of stone" to the "AWWW!" section. I'm not exactly who owns it (Vic?) but I don't. If you go on youtube (which I also don't own) and look up 'Ed proposes to Winry' you can see the original video. I'm not a big fan of Winry, but It's hilarious. There's also the Vic Mignogna/Todd Haberkorn videos...my fav being the Mignogna Chronicles sneak peek. There will probably be a few more references in the furture so just keep an eye out.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey guys. I'm attempting to keep up with my updates so I've decided to write this chapter As well as I probably won't be updating untill I get back into the whole school things.. So, for all you sorry losers with too much time who are still, by some miracle, reading this stupid story, TA DA! My inspiration for this chapter was 'Llamas with hats' (which I don't own (sorry, I really just don't want to get sued)) which is hilarious. I was watching it the other day and was flipping through Eclipse when I saw this part and thought to myself 'this is perfect!'. So,  
yeah. Here, after these brief thank yous, you go.

**Gleefulbabe**: Thanks! I never fail to entertain myself either.

**Guest**: CAPSLOCK! I'm glad you liked it, hope you like the next one too.

**Bold: Eclipse, page 488-489**

**"What do you want me to do?" Edward growled, too anxious to bother with politeness anymore. "Carry her through _that_? I don't see you making yourself useful. Why don't you go fetch a space heater or something?"**

I heard a high pitched whine, loudly at first that slowly got softer. Did Jake leave? I didn't think he would get to upset about that. Or maybe the pack called him and I couldn't hear it.

"Edwa..." I trailed off as a heard the sound of a canine running, coming toward. Jake? Edward narrowed his eyes, but stood up as much as he could in the tent and quickly opened the flap.

"I was being sarcastic." He muttered. He went to pull something in, and only that thing in, but Jake slipped in as well. Edward growled at him lightly.

"Hey." Jake exclaimed, throwing his hands up, "I brought the thing, I think I have a right to enjoy the warmth."

"W-ai-ait a m-m-moment," I held up a finger, "W-where did y-you get that t-th-thing?" Jake grinned broadly.

"First off it's a space heater. Not just a thing. Second, here's what happened." I waited for a few moments then raised an eyebrow.

"What h-ha-happened?" he looked at me in confusion for a moment before his face brightened.

"Right. Well, I was walking."

"O-okay, w-wa-walking is good."

"And then this farie appeared suddenly." I raised both my eyebrows.

"A farie?" He nodded.

"Yeah, this farie appeared. It was purple and yellow. So the farie asked me what I wanted and I told her I wanted a chainsaw."

"Okay."

"But the farie told me I couldn't have a chainsaw, so..."

"So...Jake, w-what d-did you do-o?"

"Well, I cut her into a hundred pieces while giving a war cry. With a knife."

"Jaaakkkkeeee, that kills faries!"

"Yeah, my bad. I'm a horrible werewolf."

"But that doesn't explain how you got the space heater, that just says how you killed a farie." He thought for a moment before nodding.

"Okay, so, after I brutally murdered that farie, one of her farie friends must of heard something because another farie flew along and must of saw a bear or something because she started screaming."

"She was probably screaming at you murdering her friend."

"Really, that scares people?"

"Yeah."

"These people are so weak hearted. Anyway, so there was the screaming farie and I got hungry. So, I ate her."

"...Jake!"

"Yeah, sorry. So then this thief came running, and must have just stole a space heater, and being the good citizen I am, I couldn't let this threat to our society and way of life continue, and I had just ate the farie, but farie's are kinda small. I was still hungry so I ate him and took the space heater." I stared at him in shock.

"Really? A thief who stole a space heater?"

"That's what I said."

"How much of this story is true?"

"Absolutely none of it."

Wow, I thought writing this chapter would take longer. Now that I reread it, it sucks... But I'm too lazy to change it, so, it's staying like this.


	13. Chapter 13 I

Alright guys, sorry it's been awhile, but I literally haven't been home for more than 3 conscious hours at one time in 8 days. It's horrible, but I've had a lot of fun. Anyway, thanks for staying with the story. I've had more people favoriting it, thanks, and people are still reviewing, thanks again. So, I've decided to try and make this one longer than the usual ones.

**xXxPiNKxXx**: Thank you for not commenting.

**CullenCupid1020**: That's my goal, to make people laugh. That's actually the whole point of this story.

**Tina**: Again, that's the whole point of the story. I'm glad you enjoyed.

**H**: Yeah, I didn't want to make him seem like a REAL jerk. Plus I just wanted that general humor it adds. And thanks for 3ing me! I 3 you too! :)

**Here's the thing, I want to do another one of these after I'm finished with this one**. The options are: _Harry Potter, The Hunger Games, The Kane Chronicles, The Percy Jackson and the Olympians Series, The Maximum Series, The Vampire Diaries_ and _The Night World series_. Because I'm not a complete jerk and I know how it is when you don't win the poll, whichever series doesn't win, but has votes, if you guys tell me what character or scene or etc. you want done, I'll make a special one-shot for it. Let me know through a review or you could pm me or whatever's easiest. May the most popular series win.

**Bold: page 571, Eclipse.**

**I tore my attention away from the wild girl to search for the approaching monsters.**

At first I couldn't see anything, just trees, fog, and more trees. It reminded me of a horror movie scenes. The kind that make you think in your head 'Yep, this isn't gonna turn out good.' I continued searching, paying extra attention to the spots with less fog and the general area that Edward and his family were staring at. Still I didn't see anything. I glanced around me,  
just to make sure there wasn't some important part of this equation that I was missing. I continued looking, but still, the sight of the vampires about to come eluded me. Finally, I wa tired of looking.

"Get on with it already!" I shouted. "Seriously, what the hell are you trying to acomplish? I'm the only one that can't see you!" Edward glanced at me briefly.

"I can't see them either love." I furrowed my eyebrows.

"The what are you looking at over there so intently?" He looked around, as if searching for something, then moved closer to me. He leaned down to whisper in my ear.

"I'm constipated." I raised my eyesbrows and nodded in understanding. Again, he glanced around conspicuously.

"It must have been that rabbit I ate. I figured Thumper would be pretty easy to digest and shit out but his paw won't quite fit. I've got to talk to Carlisle about it." I nodded warily, unsure if I should be worried about him wanting Carlisle to look at his ass, or physced because my boyfriend eats rabbits like Stefan Salvadore does.

"What about the others? Why are they looking over there?" He rolled his eyes.

"Hannah Montana." he pointed to the edge of the clearing where a blonde was on a stage.

"You get the beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss sssssssssssssssssssssssstttt tttttttttttttttttttttttttttt ttttttttt of boooooooooottttttthhhhhhhh worlds!"

"Shut up Bitch!" Someone threw a tomato at her. She instantly stopped singing and turned to where the tomato was thrown.

"Listen here asshole! Children love me and I love Barney! So f off!" She continued singing. "You get the beesttt of boottthhhh worlds!"

"Oh." I nodded.

"Yeah..." I looked back at the woods and saw a flash of red. Blood? I thought in horror, but then the real horror began.

Jane jumped out in a obviously fake blonde wig with a red nose and a clown suit to match. Felix came out shortly after in a blue tutu, lime green tights and a hot pink tube top.  
Apparently someone never had fashion 101.

"TA DA!" Jane exclaimed proudly. "We are." she clapped twice. "the Voltori." She, again, clapped twice. "We shall." She clapped twice. "investigate." She clapped twice. While she was doing that Felix was clapping with her and doing some odd walk were he put his legs together and wiggled his arms,

"NEEEERRRDDD DANCE!" He screamed**(1).** Then the spotlights, when did they get there? Anyways, the mysterious spotlights dimmed and went to this one opening in the forest at the end of the clearing. Out stepped Alec, armed with a whip and silly string.

"Bring out..." He paused for dramatic affect, "The Turtle." Jane ran to the woods and stepped out with a cage with a turtle in it. The turtle had on a bright yellow birthday hat that said 'Meow' on it.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," he said, gesturing to the turtle, "The Turtle!" Dramatic fire came from around him. "Oooohhh, Ahhhhh." Said the Cullens, clapping enthustically. **(AN/ ENTHUTHIASM!)**

"Thank you, thank you." Alec said, nodding understandingly.

"Now...what you've all been waiting for-"

"For that bitch Jane to die!" Alice shouted. The Cullens all shouted, whooted and clapped in agreement.

"Hey you whore! I'm still here!" Jane said, glaring swords at Alice.

"No, no, no" Alec chuckled nervously. "It's time for-"

"Sex!" Emmett roared. Roselie hit him.

"Um...no. It's time for-"

"You to shut the hell up!"

"NO! Shut up. It's time...for-"

"The-"

"I SAID SHUT UP AND I MET IT!" He shrieked at Edward.

"Now...it's time...for...what you've all been waiting for...the reason you came here...the whole point of this show...the single, most amazing thing you will ever witness...it's time for-"

_**And** **that's the cliffhanger**_. Sorry, but I don't have time to finish and I'm going to be gone for a few days so I at least want to publish something. I don't usually do this but...*shrug*  
**(1)~**Just so everybody knows, I take no credit for the nerd dance. If you type in nerd dance on youtube you'll see the video I got this off of...well, actually I got this off my drum major, but that's where she got it from.


	14. Chapter 13 II

Alright guys..and/or girls. I know it's been awhile, and I could make up a million different excuses, but I don't feel like it. I guess the main reason is I just needed a break. Sorry about that, but now I'm back and better than ever, so watch out world, here comes the ALMIGHTY HAMSTER!  
Anyways, this is a continuation of chapter 13.

H: Thanks for the Hunger Games suggestion. I'll definitely look in to it. And thanks, I liked that line too. It just happened the day before I wrote that I was reading the Vampire Diaries...

Lady Island Rose: Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you like the Chapters and I'll try to keep you laughing.

"...it's time for...The Dragon-" The Cullens cheered obnoxiously loud. I shrugged, and clapped lightly, not wanting to feel left out. Alec cleared his throat and continued. "fly!"

Immediately the Cullens stopped cheering. After a moment or two I realized I was the only one clapping (or making any noise really) and that I should probably stop. I gradually slowed down my clapping as everyone stared at me. Then, I knew what I had to do.

"So..." I looked around and paused for a moment. "how about them Meds?" Silence. Damn, it didn't work. Naturally, I tried again.

"And what's up with airplane food these days?" Out of the corner of my eye I saw Edward shaking his head. Jane glared at me.

"YOU DUCK!" Jane shouted, tearing off her blonde wig, showing her naturally blonde hair. Alec looked between us for a few seconds, then apparently decided it wasn't working.

"Right...anyways, yeah. So...HERE'S THE AMAZING BUTTERFLY OF HAPPINESS AND JOY AND LOVE AND...wow, I hate those emotions. Alright, Felix," he turned to the boy in the tutu and neon green tights, "Kill the dragonfly." As Felix walked back towards the forest, Aro appeared.

"..seriously?" Emmett asked glancing over his costume. A bright pink halter dress with shinely sparkles all over. He was wearing three inch heels and a red wig to complete the look.

"Felix, if you kill that dragonfly, so help me, I will stop giving you your ego waffles and laugh as you starve." Felix stopped dead and looked at him in horror.

"Not the egos...please, not the egos, have mercy!" He fell to his knees in horror. What the hell? Vampires don't really need ego waffles. The author writing this story must be on drugs or something, I mean, really ego waffles? Why couldn't they come up with something more creative like...I don't know, twinkies or something?

Aro shook his head. "I"m sorry my beautiful slave, but the dragon fly is too important." Alec started marching towards Aro, Aro turned away from Alec and started running, at human pace, in a moronic fashion, swinging his arms over and over again.

"You can't catch me!" He called over his shoulder to Alec. Alec shrieked in frustration. He turned and sat down, pointedly ignoring Aro's attempts to talk to him.

"You're stupid." He said, still childishly ignoring him. He turned even further away from Aro when he tried to approach the stubborn child.

"Really, Alec...stop being so-"

"NO!" Alec screamed turning slightly. "don't even say it." Aro furrowed his brows.

"I was just-"

"Stop! In the name of love! Before you break my heart!"

And there you go.


End file.
